I feel very fortunate when I think back on the birth of both my children. I had a wonderful experience and it started our relationship off positively and easily. However, I do have one regret. Not asking for more help. The question who would I ask for help, is a tough one. Perhaps this is why I didnt ask anyone because I didnt know whoto ask. I didnt have my family close by, my parents are disabled and my sister lives in the US. My in laws are my in laws enough said! Plus I didnt want to ask other family or friends because I would feel guilty or didnt feel I could ask them to do things that really mattered (like cleaning the bathroom and puting the washing on. yes, I wanted to be able to say exactly what I needed, how I wanted it and when rather then living in chaos.
In hind sight I could have asked a Doula but I like many others didnt know what they did. So what is a Doula?
Having not employed one I am not the best person to answer this question so I have asked someone from the Scottish Doula Network to explain the role. However I know what I needed.
Firstly birthing at home with a pool does take a bit of planning and what I hadnt anticipated was that my partner might use this time to continue his DIY obsession. So rather then carrying out the many massage techniques we learnt in the 3 birthing courses we attended or helping me breathe. He spent his time filling the pool, testing water, ensuring sheets were on properly and goodness knows what else, while I was in the other room panting and groaning.
What I needed at that time was someone to look after these practical things (like a pool boy?) so that my husband could give me that emotional support. Oh and after all that, as he wasnt convinced I was in active labour, he didnt start running the cold water until our baby was crowning. I remember clearly the last words he uttered as she was born ‘do you know where the telehone is?’
I also felt I needed a supporter who understood me and was just there for me. Even if they didnt do or say anything. Someone to help me physically cope with two children especially as having SPD meant I still couldn’t walk or lift properly. Friends offered to help but I didnt want to accept beacuse they have children themselves to look after.
It would appear that as women with fewer local family members and high expectations of what can be done within weeks of birth, that paying for a Doula is a great investment. You dont have to let things get out of control. you can still invites friends round and not worry wout the sick stains on the carpet or the state of the kitchen.
I would have started saving as soon as the test stick went blue.